Saturday, 22 March 2008

An Identity Crises

Six weeks ago I handed in my letter of resignation to the school that I was working at. I don't actually think that I needed to do that seeing as I was still on a temporary contract, but I wanted to do something to mark the event and explain myself a bit. The truth of it all was that I was turning into a grumpy, cynical and sarcastic old man. Every day I was trying to press on through a barrage of abuse and difficult circumstances and coming home well and truly the worse for it. So now I'm not working as a teacher anymore. It still feels so weird to even write that. I was teaching for only 3 years, yet it resounds well with me. Resounds well with my outlook on life and attitude towards what life/work should be about.

Am I a failure? Perhaps I'd have to say yes. I came up against a situation that I couldn't actually press through and succeed in. I totally thought that God being God was supposed to bring me through those events and challenges. That's a bit of a challenge to my perspective of God as well I guess.

I say 'Identity Crises' due to the idea that since I have begun my 'break' (I don't know if it's terminal yet) from teaching I have struggled with the notion of 'who am I?'. If I'm not a teacher, what exactly do I call myself? How long will I answer the question "What do you do?" with...
"Well up until __ weeks/months/years ago I was a teacher".

It's weird and I feel a bit lost and confused.