Saturday, 22 March 2008

An Identity Crises

Six weeks ago I handed in my letter of resignation to the school that I was working at. I don't actually think that I needed to do that seeing as I was still on a temporary contract, but I wanted to do something to mark the event and explain myself a bit. The truth of it all was that I was turning into a grumpy, cynical and sarcastic old man. Every day I was trying to press on through a barrage of abuse and difficult circumstances and coming home well and truly the worse for it. So now I'm not working as a teacher anymore. It still feels so weird to even write that. I was teaching for only 3 years, yet it resounds well with me. Resounds well with my outlook on life and attitude towards what life/work should be about.

Am I a failure? Perhaps I'd have to say yes. I came up against a situation that I couldn't actually press through and succeed in. I totally thought that God being God was supposed to bring me through those events and challenges. That's a bit of a challenge to my perspective of God as well I guess.

I say 'Identity Crises' due to the idea that since I have begun my 'break' (I don't know if it's terminal yet) from teaching I have struggled with the notion of 'who am I?'. If I'm not a teacher, what exactly do I call myself? How long will I answer the question "What do you do?" with...
"Well up until __ weeks/months/years ago I was a teacher".

It's weird and I feel a bit lost and confused.


Justin said...

wow - you going through some heavy thoughts at the moment aye.

do you think you'll ever go back to teaching because in nz you seemed to be such a natural - as if you were born for the role.

i hope you can find some purpose in the little things you do. when you guys visit darren you might see something you could do long term - ei creating community. because that is something you have done successfully everywhere i've seen you. whether it was student life, royston st, or sundaes on sundae and countless other things you create community and make people want to be in your community. i've heard similiar reports about english schools and maybe kids there have lost the ability to love community because its been eroded to such a great extent by their society. anyway mate if you keen to have a phone chat one of these days let me know. peace my bro.

theshar said...

Hey Tim,

Just read your post...some big stuff going on for you at present. Will pray for you over these coming days.Just remember "he who began a good work in you WILL carry it on to completion" God has an eternal view of you, not just a here and now. Can I encourage you to "embrace the pain" of the situation and know that even in the midst of the dark days, Jesus still won :) bless ya heaps